I haven’t felt like dating anyone new in a while. Years, actually. Every time I consider it, I feel incredibly tired and somewhat panicked about a little finite resource known as time. I have so many projects and active interests at the moment I’m more inclined to find people to do those things with than find someone just to . . . find someone.

I know I’m polyamorous. I know I believe in the core tenets of Relationship Anarchy. And just like my sexual orientation doesn’t depend on me actively dating anyone of a particular gender, none of how I’m feeling about dating new people changes how I see myself from a non-monogamous perspective.

I don’t reject a monogamous relationship framework in order to date multiple people at the same time; I do it because it feels like an important part of the way I connect with others: without limits. Even if I never dated another person again for as long as I lived, I’d still be against the idea that one person’s existence in my life should trump all others, or that the nature of that relationship should be reserved for them and them alone forever and ever. No . . . I will always want everyone I interact with to have the same unhindered opportunity to become what we’re supposed to become to one another, and that only we should have a say in what that looks like. Not society, not family, not partners or friends – just us.

So if you ever wrestle with the question of whether or not you’re really polyamorous because you don’t happen to have multiple partners, or even a desire for them at the moment, remember this: your circumstances do not define you, and your identity is inherent to your being not manufactured by the opinions of others. Should you ever find yourself doubting, come back here and start again from the beginning.

Photo by Boris Smokrovic on Unsplash