A large number of posts in non-monogamous groups ask whether or not something could be considered "cheating." Thoughtful responses challenging the notion as a concept prompted me to ask the question: Is the concept of “cheating” really of any value in non-monogamy? I’m beginning to think it might not be. We know “cheating” as it's [...]
Tell me if this sounds familiar: Blue and Green are in a relationship. Blue does something that hurts Green. Blue apologizes to Green, makes amends, and changes their behavior. Green accepts the apology but digs at the original issue whenever it comes up for them. What’s going on here? Well, it turns out that accepting [...]
If you can’t put your finger on why something feels wrong because no one is doing anything wrong, but you’re certain there’s something behind that wrong feeling, it might be grief. Stay with me on this one . . . We ask a lot of ourselves in non-monogamy: challenging the dominant narrative, asking others to [...]
Whether you're brand new to non-monogamy or a seasoned practitioner, negotiating the scope and terms of a new relationship can feel daunting. What should you discuss up front? How do you reconcile mis-matches? How do you communicate what you do and do not want? I hate to regurgitate the word “communicate” over and over, but [...]
Traditional dating within a monogamous framework has somewhat of a script to work with . . . Do you have/want children? Are you a smoker? What’s your attitude towards therapy? Did you vote for Trump? Twice? Most of us know ourselves well enough to know what will render a prospective partner fundamentally incompatible and asking [...]
After so many years, this pet project of mine has grown to 60+ entries, and I have no plans to stop . . . but that means the traditional blog format leaves something to be desired. If you're happy perusing blog content in a chronological format, please scroll at your leisure. But if you, like [...]
I appreciate the concept of polysaturation, a piece of wordplay I both admire for its cleverness and find useful in the discussion of non-monogamy, but I prefer to consider being spread too thin overall since the bandwidth I have for a relationship of any sort is entirely dependent on what else is going on in [...]
Privacy. That thing where you get to choose how much of your personal life is on display, yeah? Privacy is pretty critical to one’s emotional well-being and sense of safety. We depend on those close to us to keep our confidence, and there is a reasonable expectation of privacy when we allow ourselves to be [...]
When you view your partners, and yourself, as autonomous individuals who exist in proximity to each other but aren’t defined by it, you’re rewarded with relationships based on secure connections between adults.
Love is abundant and not a zero sum game. That is, loving others will never reduce what’s available for others. We experience this all the time with friends, children, siblings, etc. It truly is an infinite resource. But while love is an infinite resource, our lives are full of others that are. Regardless of your [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 