A large number of posts in non-monogamous groups ask whether or not something could be considered "cheating." Thoughtful responses challenging the notion as a concept prompted me to ask the question: Is the concept of “cheating” really of any value in non-monogamy? I’m beginning to think it might not be. We know “cheating” as it's [...]
Love is abundant and not a zero sum game. That is, loving others will never reduce what’s available for others. We experience this all the time with friends, children, siblings, etc. It truly is an infinite resource. But while love is an infinite resource, our lives are full of others that are. Regardless of your [...]
Second in a two-part series covering both New Relationship Energy and Established Relationship Energy, this blog will focus on the latter. Established Relationship Energy, or ERE, is the comfortable and secure feeling associated with a longer term relationship that has perhaps weathered a couple storms, been down the pet-peeve discovery path, and still landed firmly [...]
Lately, I’ve become enamored with the idea that we have a language we prefer to care for ourselves in. If you’re not familiar with The 5 Love Languages, take a moment to check them out and maybe even take their short quiz. Caveat: it’s incredibly mononormative, but many non-monogamous folks have found it useful. Take [...]
I recently had an epiphany related to an insecurity I have. I fear losing what I don't actively attach to when access to that thing is under the control of someone else. For example, if I were to only ever eat cake when my friend Susan made it, I would fear losing access to cake [...]
Not too long ago, I was asked what the term "partner" meant to me. I think I said it was feeling like I was part of a team working towards the common goal of a healthy relationship. I recently realized a critical component of that for me is accepting and working with the aspects of [...]
Forgive me for the play on words. It couldn't be helped. 'Tis the season! It's a sentimental time. The observation of traditions, time off work, exchanging of gifts, sharing food and space, and a connection to something larger than ourselves - whether that be God, or family, or love, or stringing more than two days [...]
It is really hard to ask for what you want. This isn't just a relationship issue - it's a fear issue. We don't want to want more of someone than they want to give us. In polyamory, sometimes the stakes feel even higher because my partners have other partners and do not risk being alone [...]
One of the reasons I write this blog is to contribute in whatever small way I can to the normalization of polyamory. I want the way I love to not be weird to people. It feels normal to me, but at times I'm struck by how my treatment of it as normal is seen as [...]
A long time ago in a galaxy right next door to the one I'm in, I learned an important lesson about setting and enforcing boundaries. As a poly person, I've had ample opportunities to practice all I've learned in that regard. So today I'm writing about boundaries and how they differ from rules in relationships. [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 