I did not arrive in adulthood with a lot of communication tools. I knew how to be passive-aggressive and manipulative, and how to pretend I didn't need or want anything from anyone. In high-stakes relationships, I was more likely to suffer quietly than risk my needs or wants driving someone away, and in lower-stakes situations [...]
If you decide to date someone who cannot be publicly non-monogamous, it’s a good idea to have a frank discussion about what that will and will not include before your heart becomes too involved.
I used to say: you can't hurt me with the truth. But you know what? Sometimes the truth does hurt, so I've since amended that to be: you cannot harm me by being honest with me. It is not a revelation to anyone that honesty is a critical component of healthy interpersonal relationships, but there [...]
I haven’t felt like dating anyone new in a while. Years, actually. Every time I consider it, I feel incredibly tired and somewhat panicked about a little finite resource known as time. I have so many projects and active interests at the moment I'm more inclined to find people to do those things with than [...]
My blog is 8 years old now, and while I stand behind my writing on this site, it is not without flaws. Whether they be in grammar or content, I am going to be cleaning some things up to ensure they align with who I am now, and that they’re easily processed and understood. To [...]
Non-monogamy makes dating harder for men! No. Let me reiterate that: no, it doesn’t.This is directed squarely at the largely cishet men so many of us have come across complaining about how non-monogamy makes dating more difficult for men. And, to a lesser extent, their well-intentioned partners trying to help (e.g. posting in ENM groups [...]
I’m in an obnoxious amount of non-monogamy focused groups on social media. So many, in fact, that the majority of activity online most days is speed-reading the same queries over and over from various newcomers. I do not attempt to answer even a quarter of them because there are plenty of folks out there with [...]
I suffer from Imposter Syndrome: the phenomenon of feeling like you suck at something regardless of evidence to the contrary. That label rings true for me when it comes to polyamory. People ask me for advice! Support! My opinions!! They read my blog! They come hear me speak! But OMG you guys, I am so [...]
Second in a two-part series covering both New Relationship Energy and Established Relationship Energy, this blog will focus on the latter. Established Relationship Energy, or ERE, is the comfortable and secure feeling associated with a longer term relationship that has perhaps weathered a couple storms, been down the pet-peeve discovery path, and still landed firmly [...]
I reference mindsets in non-monogamy a lot. In particular, the effect a scarcity mindset can have on how one approaches relationships, both in seeking and maintaining, and what it looks like to do those things with an abundance mindset. This concept was first introduced to me in an episode of Poly In The Cities, a [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 