I used to say: you can't hurt me with the truth. But you know what? Sometimes the truth does hurt, so I've since amended that to be: you cannot harm me by being honest with me. It is not a revelation to anyone that honesty is a critical component of healthy interpersonal relationships, but there [...]
I haven’t felt like dating anyone new in a while. Years, actually. Every time I consider it, I feel incredibly tired and somewhat panicked about a little finite resource known as time. I have so many projects and active interests at the moment I'm more inclined to find people to do those things with than [...]
Once upon a time I was bounced from a polyamory-focused group on social media for insisting that their tolerance of certain behaviors in the group created a safe space for abusers. Specifically, allowing couples seeking to add a “third” to their existing relationship to do so unchallenged. For folks who’ve been in the non-monogamous community [...]
Normal. There’s a loaded word if ever there was one . . . Our sense of normal comes from what we see every day. It’s determined by what most folks do and find acceptable. By their actions, words, values, and judgements. Normal is what you are conditioned to expect, and when it doesn’t manifest there [...]
Fear. Outside of our basic survival instincts, fear is perhaps the number one motivator for the human race. Maybe for all sentient life. Acting out of fear rarely gives us the opportunity to show up as our best selves, and this can and will often cause harm in our relationships. This has been true for [...]
I suffer from Imposter Syndrome: the phenomenon of feeling like you suck at something regardless of evidence to the contrary. That label rings true for me when it comes to polyamory. People ask me for advice! Support! My opinions!! They read my blog! They come hear me speak! But OMG you guys, I am so [...]
Chemistry and compatibility are tricky things in relationships. Whether you’re mono or non-mono, you’ll likely come across someone you are super compatible with, but the connection just lacks that “va-va-voom”. Or someone that gives you the most intense case of being twitterpated . . . only to find out there are some massive compatibility issues. [...]
Second in a two-part series covering both New Relationship Energy and Established Relationship Energy, this blog will focus on the latter. Established Relationship Energy, or ERE, is the comfortable and secure feeling associated with a longer term relationship that has perhaps weathered a couple storms, been down the pet-peeve discovery path, and still landed firmly [...]
First in a two-part series covering both New Relationship Energy and Established Relationship Energy, this blog will focus on the former. New relationship energy, or NRE, is the feeling of limerence associated with a new, chemistry-heavy connection between folks in the beginning of their relationship. It is born of a combination of brain chemicals that [...]
I reference mindsets in non-monogamy a lot. In particular, the effect a scarcity mindset can have on how one approaches relationships, both in seeking and maintaining, and what it looks like to do those things with an abundance mindset. This concept was first introduced to me in an episode of Poly In The Cities, a [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 