Traditional dating within a monogamous framework has somewhat of a script to work with . . . Do you have/want children? Are you a smoker? What’s your attitude towards therapy? Did you vote for Trump? Twice? Most of us know ourselves well enough to know what will render a prospective partner fundamentally incompatible and asking [...]
I’m sure you’ve heard the key to a successful relationship is “open, honest communication.” While these terms mean something different to nearly everyone, most can agree that a situation in which openness and honesty are met with negative consequences is hardly conducive to trying again and again to achieve it. Unfortunately, this often happens when [...]
If your partner struggles with jealousy, you’ve probably asked yourself: “How can I keep my partner from feeling this way?” or “How do I help my partner manage this?” It’s perfectly natural to want to save the day with solutions, particularly if you’re having an easier time of it than they are. It can feel [...]
After so many years, this pet project of mine has grown to 60+ entries, and I have no plans to stop . . . but that means the traditional blog format leaves something to be desired. If you're happy perusing blog content in a chronological format, please scroll at your leisure. But if you, like [...]
I appreciate the concept of polysaturation, a piece of wordplay I both admire for its cleverness and find useful in the discussion of non-monogamy, but I prefer to consider being spread too thin overall since the bandwidth I have for a relationship of any sort is entirely dependent on what else is going on in [...]
Privacy. That thing where you get to choose how much of your personal life is on display, yeah? Privacy is pretty critical to one’s emotional well-being and sense of safety. We depend on those close to us to keep our confidence, and there is a reasonable expectation of privacy when we allow ourselves to be [...]
When you view your partners, and yourself, as autonomous individuals who exist in proximity to each other but aren’t defined by it, you’re rewarded with relationships based on secure connections between adults.
I rode in the passenger seat of one of my partners’ cars this evening, travelling to our next destination from a small gathering of fully vaccinated friends to an outdoor patio where we could write for this blog, which I’ve been feeling lots of angst about because I’ve been so happy lately. That may be [...]
In 2016, when I was 40 freaking years old and a divorced mother of three, I had a doctor tell me I should not consent to having barrier-free sex with anyone who didn’t have to pay to get rid of me [cringe]. She said this to me as we were wrapping up my annual exam [...]
Once upon a time I was bounced from a polyamory-focused group on social media for insisting that their tolerance of certain behaviors in the group created a safe space for abusers. Specifically, allowing couples seeking to add a “third” to their existing relationship to do so unchallenged. For folks who’ve been in the non-monogamous community [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 