In a perfect world, coming out wouldn’t be necessary; we would feel free to be our authentic selves and live our lives without negative consequences. But in most of the world, negative consequences are a valid fear for many. Let’s not dismiss those. You may have heard horror stories: being ostracized by family, the vengeful [...]
In my adulting adventures, I’ve been lucky enough to find myself in several communities that have high expectations of autonomy and accountability. To this end, one of the groups I had the pleasure of belonging to phrased this expectation as “be your own camp counselor” which, while self explanatory, has some layers. I write a [...]
I once had an English professor insist that no experience was truly universal. She was right to caution us against alienating readers with hyperbole, but if there were a universal human experience, it would be a perfectly imperfect existence. The human condition requires that we make mistakes. Statistics ensure we make them most often with [...]
Most non-monogamous people hail from amatonormative upbringings reinforced by pop culture, media, families of origin, etc. We work to unlearn that while trying to navigate a course that isn’t supported by a lot of widely available maps. Along the way communication becomes our primary religion, because without it we’re condemning ourselves to actual hell. Talk, [...]
As with any group that doesn't follow the dominant narrative, finding support as a non-monogamous person is not the easiest thing. Support networks are often taken for granted until you NEED one to help get through something. Generally speaking, coming from a place of need is not always the best starting point. What happens when [...]
Lately, I’ve become enamored with the idea that we have a language we prefer to care for ourselves in. If you’re not familiar with The 5 Love Languages, take a moment to check them out and maybe even take their short quiz. Caveat: it’s incredibly mononormative, but many non-monogamous folks have found it useful. Take [...]
There are those outside of the non-monogamous community who see it as a sure-fire cure for loneliness. All the partners all the time! Lol, no. I am here to tell you that is far from the case. Sometimes I’m super lonely; sometimes we all are. When I share this sentiment in the circles I frequent, [...]
There are a lot of words we use in the practice of ethical non-monogamy (and that I use here on my blog) that may not translate well in most circles. Language evolves to suit the society it's used by, and that is as it should be, but I'm not a fan of how some folks [...]
Stop me if you've heard this before: “In a healthy relationship, it's all about communication, communication, communication!” I really should add a fourth one in there because there are Four Basic Types of Communication: Passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. One of the least understood is passive communication and as such, it can be a sneaky [...]
I recently had an epiphany related to an insecurity I have. I fear losing what I don't actively attach to when access to that thing is under the control of someone else. For example, if I were to only ever eat cake when my friend Susan made it, I would fear losing access to cake [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 