If you decide to date someone who cannot be publicly non-monogamous, it’s a good idea to have a frank discussion about what that will and will not include before your heart becomes too involved.
Tag: dating
Are You Really Polyamorous?
I haven’t felt like dating anyone new in a while. Years, actually. Every time I consider it, I feel incredibly tired and somewhat panicked about a little finite resource known as time. I have so many projects and active interests at the moment I'm more inclined to find people to do those things with than [...]
Negotiating New Relationships
Whether you're brand new to non-monogamy or a seasoned practitioner, negotiating the scope and terms of a new relationship can feel daunting. What should you discuss up front? How do you reconcile mis-matches? How do you communicate what you do and do not want? I hate to regurgitate the word “communicate” over and over, but [...]
What Do I Ask A Potential New Partner?
Traditional dating within a monogamous framework has somewhat of a script to work with . . . Do you have/want children? Are you a smoker? What’s your attitude towards therapy? Did you vote for Trump? Twice? Most of us know ourselves well enough to know what will render a prospective partner fundamentally incompatible and asking [...]
Polysaturation: Do I Have Enough To Give?
I appreciate the concept of polysaturation, a piece of wordplay I both admire for its cleverness and find useful in the discussion of non-monogamy, but I prefer to consider being spread too thin overall since the bandwidth I have for a relationship of any sort is entirely dependent on what else is going on in [...]
Guest Blog: Chemistry vs. Compatibility
Chemistry and compatibility are tricky things in relationships. Whether you’re mono or non-mono, you’ll likely come across someone you are super compatible with, but the connection just lacks that “va-va-voom”. Or someone that gives you the most intense case of being twitterpated . . . only to find out there are some massive compatibility issues. [...]
When to Disclose
When do I tell someone I'm interested in that I'm polyamorous? I see this question posed a lot in online forums when the topic of dating is up for discussion. My answer is very simple: first thing. I'm on one or two online dating sites, and my status as a non-monogamous person is very clearly [...]
Desperately Seeking Normal
One of the reasons I write this blog is to contribute in whatever small way I can to the normalization of polyamory. I want the way I love to not be weird to people. It feels normal to me, but at times I'm struck by how my treatment of it as normal is seen as [...]
Secrets and Security
If you have landed on this page, please click here to read a more current version of this essay: Non-Monogamy and Visibility: Coping Strategies for Hidden Partners I'm going to go out on a limb and say that secrets are almost always colored with pain. When people feel some level of insecurity in their own relationships, [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 