I did not arrive in adulthood with a lot of communication tools. I knew how to be passive-aggressive and manipulative, and how to pretend I didn't need or want anything from anyone. In high-stakes relationships, I was more likely to suffer quietly than risk my needs or wants driving someone away, and in lower-stakes situations [...]
If you can’t put your finger on why something feels wrong because no one is doing anything wrong, but you’re certain there’s something behind that wrong feeling, it might be grief. Stay with me on this one . . . We ask a lot of ourselves in non-monogamy: challenging the dominant narrative, asking others to [...]
The heart is a muscle. That’s a statement of obvious anatomy, but I think of the metaphorical heart as a muscle as well. One that flexes and contracts with a smooth strength as it navigates the emotional boot camp that non-monogamy can be at times. When you’re keeping pace to it’s beat and the endorphins [...]
I recently had an epiphany related to an insecurity I have. I fear losing what I don't actively attach to when access to that thing is under the control of someone else. For example, if I were to only ever eat cake when my friend Susan made it, I would fear losing access to cake [...]
Forgive me for the play on words. It couldn't be helped. 'Tis the season! It's a sentimental time. The observation of traditions, time off work, exchanging of gifts, sharing food and space, and a connection to something larger than ourselves - whether that be God, or family, or love, or stringing more than two days [...]
It is really hard to ask for what you want. This isn't just a relationship issue - it's a fear issue. We don't want to want more of someone than they want to give us. In polyamory, sometimes the stakes feel even higher because my partners have other partners and do not risk being alone [...]
Jealousy is a thing, peeps. It is the dead horse beaten on a regular basis when discussions of polyamory are on the table, but that's because It Is A Thing. And it's not the biggest monster in my closet . . . but I have one - it's just more like a pocket monster. I carry [...]
If you have landed on this page, please click here to read a more current version of this essay: Strengthening Relationships with Courageous Conversations One of the practices I've found helpful as a polyamorous person is the having of courageous conversations. I like to call them this as opposed to "difficult discussions" because I want to [...]
If you have landed on this page, please click here to read a more current version of this essay: Non-Monogamy and Visibility: Coping Strategies for Hidden Partners I'm going to go out on a limb and say that secrets are almost always colored with pain. When people feel some level of insecurity in their own relationships, [...]
If you have landed on this page, please click here to read a more current version of this essay: Honesty Isn't Harmful I say this to those closest to me quite a bit: you can't hurt me with the truth. What I mean by this is: More information is better - because I don't know [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 