I used to say: you can't hurt me with the truth. But you know what? Sometimes the truth does hurt, so I've since amended that to be: you cannot harm me by being honest with me. It is not a revelation to anyone that honesty is a critical component of healthy interpersonal relationships, but there [...]
I haven’t felt like dating anyone new in a while. Years, actually. Every time I consider it, I feel incredibly tired and somewhat panicked about a little finite resource known as time. I have so many projects and active interests at the moment I'm more inclined to find people to do those things with than [...]
My blog is 8 years old now, and while I stand behind my writing on this site, it is not without flaws. Whether they be in grammar or content, I am going to be cleaning some things up to ensure they align with who I am now, and that they’re easily processed and understood. To [...]
A large number of posts in non-monogamous groups ask whether or not something could be considered "cheating." Thoughtful responses challenging the notion as a concept prompted me to ask the question: Is the concept of “cheating” really of any value in non-monogamy? I’m beginning to think it might not be. We know “cheating” as it's [...]
Tell me if this sounds familiar: Blue and Green are in a relationship. Blue does something that hurts Green. Blue apologizes to Green, makes amends, and changes their behavior. Green accepts the apology but digs at the original issue whenever it comes up for them. What’s going on here? Well, it turns out that accepting [...]
If you can’t put your finger on why something feels wrong because no one is doing anything wrong, but you’re certain there’s something behind that wrong feeling, it might be grief. Stay with me on this one . . . We ask a lot of ourselves in non-monogamy: challenging the dominant narrative, asking others to [...]
Whether you're brand new to non-monogamy or a seasoned practitioner, negotiating the scope and terms of a new relationship can feel daunting. What should you discuss up front? How do you reconcile mis-matches? How do you communicate what you do and do not want? I hate to regurgitate the word “communicate” over and over, but [...]
Traditional dating within a monogamous framework has somewhat of a script to work with . . . Do you have/want children? Are you a smoker? What’s your attitude towards therapy? Did you vote for Trump? Twice? Most of us know ourselves well enough to know what will render a prospective partner fundamentally incompatible and asking [...]
After so many years, this pet project of mine has grown to 60+ entries, and I have no plans to stop . . . but that means the traditional blog format leaves something to be desired. If you're happy perusing blog content in a chronological format, please scroll at your leisure. But if you, like [...]
I appreciate the concept of polysaturation, a piece of wordplay I both admire for its cleverness and find useful in the discussion of non-monogamy, but I prefer to consider being spread too thin overall since the bandwidth I have for a relationship of any sort is entirely dependent on what else is going on in [...]
Poly With a Big Heart 